i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize