so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
