drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize