take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
