Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
