ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
