I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
