Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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