last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
