omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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