i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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