my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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