Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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