I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
