Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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