I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
