i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
