so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
