oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
