I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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