I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
