The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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