Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
