you traded sex for a burrito?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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