I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
