Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize