just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
