What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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