bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
