He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
