your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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