...so i touched it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
