Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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