He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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