I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
