you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
