THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize