Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we made out on top of his cat.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
