I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
