I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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