Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
