you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
