I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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