Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
