All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
