Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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