Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
