do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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