Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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