Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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