The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize