420 ftw
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
