fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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