What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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