We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The ass gains better be worth it
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