if only i could text you this smell
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
