I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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