Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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