$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
