There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
