IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
