You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
