The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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