I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
