Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
