your parents love me but you hate me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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