I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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