I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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