giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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