Who wears a wallet chain?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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