just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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