He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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