how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
