Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
