Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
