Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
