Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
