I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
