eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
