Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize