I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
