So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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