I wish my penis had an off switch
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize