I think I can smell my own vagina right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
