i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize