I puked a lego.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
