I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
