Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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