Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
