honey bunches of taint.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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