u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
