remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
