Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you never un-have a 4some
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
