she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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