I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we're making bets on your personal life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
