He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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