High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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