I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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