He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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