I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
