Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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