I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
