I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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