When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
