I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
