Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's shark week go big or go home
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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