I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
