If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So vagazzling was a success
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
