I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize