His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
