hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
