If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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