i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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