If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize