and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
